And a Partridge… in His Pants!

Homer Alone

A Florida woman may want to stop watching those Simpsons reruns – after being busted for leaving her kids unattended while she went on a run for doughnuts and beer.

Jessica Sanland was arrested after cops responded to a call that her seven-year-old was wandering unattended and crying around her apartment complex swimming pool after midnight. The deputies also discovered a four-year-old alone in Sanland's apartment.

Police dialed the woman's cell phone and she returned home, smelling of alcohol and explaining the reason for her trip. The officers reported that two prescription pill containers, a bottle of cold medicine, a half empty beer can and a samurai sword were left within the children’s reach. (Gainesville Sun)

Not a Sentence to Sniff At

A Florida man is set to serve eight years in jail after he was convicted of putting his nose where it didn't belong – an urn of human ashes that he stole from a home he'd broken into.

Jose Diaz-Marrero and two accomplices ransacked the home, stealing thousands of dollars worth of jewelry and electronics, but the victim was most upset at the disappearance of two urns containing the ashes of her late Great Danes and one containing the remains of her father. After cops tracked him down, Diaz-Marrero told them he thought the urns contained crushed pills and decided to taste and snort the contents.

The human remains were found, discarded, by the side of a lake, and returned to the man's daughter. (Ocala Star)

And a Partridge... in His Pants!

A Florida man is singing the blues after customs officials caught him trying to smuggle 16 songbirds into the country – stuffed inside his pants.

Alberto Diaz Gonzalez checked the "no" box when asked if he had anything to declare upon re-entering the states after a trip to South America, but a pat down revealed the tiny finches tucked around his twig and berries. The 76-year-old sang like a bird when confronted with the evidence and faces up to 20 years behind bars. (Huffington Post)

And a Partridge… in His Pants! – Redneck Headlines