Don't spend hours scouring the web for the best and weirdest news from around the world - let us do it! Each weekday we proudly present you with the best Redneck Headlines and the stories behind them.

Here are today's Redneck Headlines:
#1 - Finger "Gun" = School Suspension
#2 - 'Til Parole Do Us Part
#3 - Convicted By A Nose

Officials at a  Florida elementary school fingered an elementary school student as a violent offender, because he made a "bang bang" gesture with his thumb and index finger.

Eight-year-old Jordan Bennett was suspended last Friday because he and some classmates were playing cops and robbers, and he made the mistake of choosing "cop" and imitating the gun shape with his hand. The boy's mom was informed, as you might expect, that the incident will go on his permanent record, so she's fighting to get his name cleared, saying, "There was nothing in his hand.  It was a game.  He made no threatening advances or threats to harm anyone. No words were said.”

A school representative defended the suspension, saying Jordan's actions showed to have violated the code of student conduct. (WKMG)

 

A California man got two life sentences in one day, courtesy of a judge who sentenced him to spend the rest of his days behind bars, then immediately performed a wedding ceremony in which he promised to spend those days hitched to his girlfriend.

Judge Patricia Cookson threw the book at Danne Desbrow, slapping him with a sentence of 53 years to life for a 2003 murder – during a much publicized trial that drew the attention of Destiny Winters, who he dated during high school. They reconnected as witnesses presented evidence of his heinous crime, and she accepted his proposal two weeks later.

After consigning Desbrow to the big house, Judge Cookson helped him to take his vows to love, honor and obey his bride and served up a cake she'd made herself to celebrate the big day. (New York Daily News)

 

A California man could be forgiven for saying that something smelled a little funny about his drug-possession bust – since he was found guilty on pot charges simply because he was carrying cash that had the aroma of pot.

William David Bush was pulled over for speeding, and when cops approached his car, they described a strong odor of marijuana, but didn't find any wacky weed – just $47,000 in cash that reeked of the stuff. The officers found some other suspicious items, including a stash of receipts for items that could be used in the growing of a pot crop, so they hauled him in.

Bush didn't help his own cause, giving conflicting stories about the source of the cash – including that it was a gift from his mom – so a jury found him guilty. He faces four years in prison upon sentencing. (Opposing Views)