Duck, Duck, Jail! – Redneck Headlines

A crook in West Virginia was hung out to dry when he tried to rob a laundromat, only to have the attendant on duty put up the no-sale sign and tell him there was no cash around for him to steal.

The suspect, whose name was not released, entered the establishment in the wee hours of the morning and approached the worker demanding dough – only to have the man throw cold water on the plan by informing him that the receipts for the day had already been hauled off. When the crook produced a handgun to demonstrate his seriousness, the worker shrugged it off, saying he was just as serious about not having a penny on hand.

The wanna-be crook fled, empty-handed. (San Francisco Chronicle)

Oh Chute!

A New York City woman took getting trashed to a whole new level when she drunkenly locked herself out of her apartment and attempted to find a shortcut back inside through the garbage chute – nearly severing her arm in the process.

Maggie Baumer first tried ringing all the buzzers in the entryway to gain access to the building itself. Then she decided to slide down the trash chute to get to the basement, from which she planned to climb up to the window of her ground floor flat. Unfortunately, she forgot that the chute led to a trash compactor – which turned on upon sensing the presence of something compact-able and badly crushed Baumer's arm.

She underwent surgery after being freed and is expected to recover completely. (New York Post)

Duck, Duck, Jail!

Authorities arrested a highly intoxicated Pennsylvania woman during Hurricane Sandy after determining that her attempt to "save" a flock of ducks wasn't all it was quacked up to be.

Eyewitnesses saw Justina Laniewski [pr lan-YEF-ski] walk into a swollen creek, muttering about needing to save the ducks – and watched as her four-year-old followed her into the choppy waters. A bystander managed to grab the child, but Laniewski got in neck-deep before she began calling for help. She was charged with reckless endangerment and disorderly conduct.

Police records show that the woman claims to have slipped and fallen into the water. Her blood alcohol level was twice the legal limit for driving. (Huffington Post)