Finger Lickin’ Bad – Redneck Headlines
Don't spend hours scouring the web for the best and weirdest news from around the world - let us do it! Each weekday we proudly present you with the best Redneck Headlines and the stories behind them.
Here are today's Redneck Headlines:
#1 - Sticking It To The Crooks
#2 - DWI = Driving While Idiotic
#3 - Finger Lickin' Bad
A pair of wanna-be carjackers in Florida couldn't stick to their criminal plan after pulling a gun on a man only to find that they couldn't speed off in his Corvette – because neither of them could drive a car with a manual transmission.
Randolph Bean was waiting for his wife to leave work around 11 p.m. when the men approached and forced him from the car at gunpoint, then asked him how to drive the thing. Bean says he made four attempts to explain the concept of using a clutch before the men gave up and ran away – with his cell phone and wallet.
He said, "My first thought was I guess we don't have driver's ed. in school anymore because no one knows how to drive a stick. And my second thing was, don't shoot me because you can't start the car. I'm trying to help you out here. You know. Thankfully they didn't." (WOFL)
An Alabama man was hospitalized and arrested after an evening in which he botched three separate transportation thefts – including an ambulance and a horse!
Cops first went looking for Matthew Anderson Todd after an ambulance service reported that one of their vehicles had been stolen from outside an emergency room – where Todd had co-incidentally been taken after drunkenly crashing another car he'd stolen earlier that night. He abandoned the emergency vehicle and broke into a barn, where he attempted to saddle and steal a horse, which refused to budge.
Todd finally managed to hot wire a car and drive it home without wrecking it, but was arrested the next morning when he returned to the same emergency room for more treatment. (Gadsden Times)
A combative drunk in California managed to win a fight with an opponent without laying a finger on the other guy – but while laying one on himself.
Cops were called to a Santa Cruz street corner to respond to a report that Dimitri Storm was being disruptive and loud, and challenging all comers to duke it out with him. He finally got a taker, and decided to pull out all the stops, dropping his pants and waving his private parts at the man before sticking a finger into his own butt.
Police cuffed him – carefully, we presume – and arrested him on suspicion of indecent exposure, public intoxication, fighting and possession of brass knuckles. (Santa Cruz Sentinel)