The New Year, ahhhh a breath of fresh air.

The new year is a time of new beginnings, resolutions, the excitement of what will happen, new opportunities and basically a re-set for many holding optimism of good things in the coming year. Strange thing for me this year. I had four friends from around the country share with me some things that made the New Year terrifying and depressing.


  • 4

    My Mother-in-Law Is Coming For A Two Month Visit

    On the surface it seems innocuous, however there's much to this story. My friend gets along fine with Mom-in Law, when they are separated by opposite coasts.

    You gotta be there for your boys when they call. The typical greetings, jokes and catching up. Played a lot of ball with 'him' got to protect the innocent.

    As we begin to wrap up our conversation, 'Him' tells me of an impending visit from his wife's Mother. "Good thing," I said. Nope, is what I heard. Here comes mom's medical health. It seems Mom has issues with her bowels and you already see the consternation.

    Mom has something he refers to as 'dribble poop,' it's hard for her to get around without frequent accidents. That's not the worst part. 'Him' works from home, while his wife's business is out of the house and on the road.

    Two months of that will certainly kill that 'Happy New Spirit'

    I wished 'Him' the best (Happy New Year was out of the question at the moment) and asked if 'dribble poop' is hereditary?

  • 3

    Thanks For The Help But I'm Taking Your Wallet

    People from 'Down South have a reputation of being nice. It's true, so much for that 'Southern Hospitality, it can still get you robbed.

    An old classmate (we'll call him 'P') got an invite to spend the New Year in Mississippi. I can't think of a worse place to bring in a New Year, personally. As I understand this party was poppin', people dancing, drinkin' and trying their best to hookup and trying to drop balls too.

    As the evening wore on, the party begins to wane, so the crew decided to head home and enjoy each others company and continue to celebrate 2017. A stop at a local convenience store only proves the numbers may change in the year, yet criminals got to make sure they get theirs.

    'P's story: Stopped at the little place on the way back to our friends house to get some adult beverages. He sees a young man looking down on his luck, listened to his story and gave him a hand up. Good way to start the New Year, helping someone. If 'P' had only known his generosity would lead to the following. "I thank you for the help, but I'm going to need your wallet." When you've been drinking and now staring at a gun, 'P' says, "you just hand over your wallet and accept the robbers salutation of "Happy New Year!' As he drove away without fear of being shot, 'P's last words were..."Happy New Year my ass...Fuck You!"

  • 2

    Happy New Year...Babies Makes Us Four

    As I've matured into the fashionably advice giving friend we all know and love, it still amazes that advice is wasted breath.

    Case in point. This next New Year's story involves my man 'Dude!' the quintessential Dude. I have a few years on the young buck and try to impart some wisdom his way when asked/necessary.  'Dude' has a long standing relationship with his lady friend, but is not ready to commit solely. This was your typical night out with close friends, bar hopping, hanging downtown and just free, as Dude explained.

    The Jim Beam and Patron led to dancing, which led to twerking, which led to two people in love "knockin boots," I still like that term. My only question was "what's wrong with that?" Not a thing my young friend replied, (I did a nice job) it was what happened this morning that freaked me out!" Please tell...I was greeted with "Happy New Year, the babies make us four!!!!" Dude is not happy, although I've advised him on these things.

    The relationship is good...on shaky ground. I can't make the man stay with the young lady, only tell him what I think is best for the both of them.

    As we close out another New Year, I wish Dude the best. I know he'll make a responsible choice. He says the young woman is everything he could want in a partner. He's just not that into her, What? Bad time to let the cat out of the bag, perhaps he should've stayed on the outside, literally.

  • 1

    Happy New Year, I don't Want To Be Married To You Anymore

    This was the hardest call of all the New Year's catch ups. Someone I've known all my life called to inform me that he was hit totally by surprise when his wife sprang the "Happy New Year, I don't want to be married to you anymore," line on him. This was New Year's morning.

    Air sucked right out of the sails. We shed some tears talking about the old times and how life has given us obstacles that we never saw coming or could comprehend. I really didn't know what to say except, You guys have a beautiful child, you've shared some of life's best moments with me, I'll never forget either of you. As we hung up the phone, yes we grew up in the age where people actually talked to each other. It was nice. Still hard to think that people invest thirty years of their lives together and for reasons sometimes unexplained, unforeseen and just damn unforgivable, we lose the ones we vow to love forever. Totally Heartbroken but I'll be aiight!

    This was the craziest New Year I can ever remember. How's your New Year? If you've experienced anything like this, leave a comment below.