Frito Felony – Redneck Headlines

Officials at a Massachusetts cemetery banned a recently deceased man from having the f-word included on his tombstone.

Sonny Santiago, who died in an auto accident, left instructions for his family to have one of his rap lyrics inscribed on his gravesite, but when they submitted the design, the cemetery balked at the line " I give a [bleep] if I die with no damn friends, I got my fam by my side and that’s until the end."

The family noted that no one told them about a profanity ban, so the board of directors quickly met to rewrite the graveyard's rules of order, issuing a statement that said, “We’ve never had a problem like this before." (Lynn Daily Item)

A California woman couldn't find a way to stop smoking on her own, so she decided that the best way to kick butts was to kick the butt of a cop – so she'd be sent to jail, where cigarettes are banned.

Deputy Matt Campoy said that he was standing outside the Sacramento courthouse when Etta Lopez approached him and, without saying a word, slapped him across the face. He grabbed her by the arm to steer her into the lobby and when he let go, she slapped him again – spilling the details of her plan to go cold turkey in the cooler.

Lopez was remanded into custody pending trial, and Campoy says, "We are hopeful she will be in jail for a long enough time to kick the habit or not want to assault anybody." (Sacramento Bee)

A brother and sister in Florida were bagged by police ... after making off with with a van full of Frito-Lay products.

Darren Hagerman, 25, and Jessica Huggar, 22, were arrested and charged with burglary and grand theft after police caught the pair pulling away from a Frito factory in Ocala, Florida. Darren and Jessica were stopped after cops spotted a two-year-old jumping around in the backseat of their vehicle, which was filled with hundreds of bags of potato chips, Cheetos and pork rinds.

Darren allegedly told police that they took the snacks from a dumpster behind the factory as a way to make money. They later found out that Darren had a master key that worked on the gate lock to the plant. According to a few staffers, they’ve been chasing Darren away from the plant for years. The toddler was taken to a relative after the siblings' arrests. (Yahoo)