High Plains Flasher – Redneck Headlines

A Florida man put a unique spin on a common 911 call by phoning cops to complain that his neighbors wouldn't start drinking – to help him celebrate his birthday.

James Collins dialed the emergency number to whine that the folks next door were being mean by refusing to hoist one in honor of his 56th birthday. The dispatcher scolded him for wasting her time, but he didn't get the message, and called back 30 minutes later with the same grievance.

That time, cops showed up at Collins' door – to take him to jail, not to toast his special occasion. (TC Palm)

A Florida man was arrested for putting a little too much show into his personal game of show and tell – by walking down the street wearing nothing but a poncho, then asking deputies if they wanted to see what he was packing underneath.

Neighbors called 911 to report that Stephen Van Alphen was causing a disturbance by traipsing around the street lifting what he called his "Clint Eastwood poncho" in order to show everyone the good, the bad and, especially, the ugly. When officers arrived on the scene, the 46-year-old offered a closer look, telling them, “It is too small for anyone to see it anyway.”

The man, who was released on bail, explained himself by saying, “It sounds crazy and I don’t belong in the asylum. I was playing Cowboys and Indians in the house all by myself. I was the naked Redskin and the ponchoed cowboy at the same time.” (International Business Times)