Lunchin’ Lizards – Redneck Headlines
Here are today’s Redneck Headlines:
#1 – FIRING BLANKS
#2 – LUNCHIN’ LIZARDS!
#3 – HOOD RATS
A Texas teenager got locked up after he had the bright idea of robbing a cop…in the middle of a police station.
Keithan Waltham walked into the Dallas-area precinct with a towel covering his hand and pointed at the dispatch window with it, saying, “Give me all the money.” The officer on duty didn’t take kindly to the request and took the 18-year-old into custody, booking him on charges including attempted robbery.
Waltham wants to be released, saying it was all a big joke and insisting, “I didn’t say nothing like that, they didn’t find no guns on me.” (Houston Chronicle)
A man who was detained for attempting to smuggle a bunch of lizards through a German airport says he had no idea he was committing a crime and was planning to have the 50 critters as his in-flight snack.
The man, whose name was not released, was returning from the Middle East, and had the lizards stuffed into his carry-on luggage. When stopped for questioning, he insisted they were just part of his diet and offered to bite the head off one of them as proof, a proposal officials declined.
Authorities believe he was planning to sell them on the black market for several hundred dollars a pop a price that may or may not include fries. (The Local)
An Indiana man was pulled over by state troopers and cited for drinking and driving with four kids…on the car.
Aaron Stefanski and his girlfriend had stopped to refuel – at a liquor store, that is – when they were struck with the bright idea to strap the kids to the hood with a tow strap. The store manager saw the scene go down and called cops, who tracked the car down about three blocks away.
Stefanski, whose blood alcohol level was twice the legal limit, insisted he’d only driven “about 20 feet” and said he just strapped the kids on because he thought they’d enjoy it. (MSNBC)