Pie Saves Lives! – Redneck Headlines

Cops reeled in a crook who went to the pet store he'd stolen a fish tank from ... in order to buy some fish to put inside it.

Nigel Ball was very specific in telling the shopkeeper what kind of tank he had, which raised suspicions, since it was the make that had just disappeared from the shelves. The employee told Ball he'd get the fish for him, and even offered a home delivery – if Ball would write down his name and address.

Ball complied – but instead of a getting the goldfish he wanted, he got slapped with a set of cuffs and was hauled off theft charges. He told cops that he stole the tank for his daughter because he'd broken her old one while washing it. (Digital Spy)

Some people get things off their chest when they're under the influence, but a Michigan man aimed a little lower – ripping off a large chunk of his johnson while high on magic mushrooms.

Cops responded to a burglar alarm at a local middle school and found the man, whose name was not released, kneeling on the ground, naked and covered in blood. He told them that he'd taken some psychedelic mushrooms earlier that day and couldn't recall what had happened after.

An officer who responded to the scene said, "He really wasn’t saying much at all – a lot of yelling and screaming. He wasn’t making sense. They couldn’t really communicate with him in terms of constructive conversation.” (Detroit Free Press)

A cop in South Carolina is being hailed as a hero for stopping a man from jumping off a bridge by proving that he had something to live for – a piping hot pepperoni pizza.

The despondent man pulled over on the Ravenel Bridge and stepped across a barrier, where he paced back and forth and threatened to jump into the Cooper River. Cops summoned to talk to him blocked off the bridge, backing up traffic for miles while they tried to talk him back to the proper side of the barrier.

Hours into the standoff, the man said that he was hungry and thirsty, and a police negotiator arranged to bring him cold water and a pie from a popular local pizza place – which the owner provided at no charge. The man was taken into custody shortly after eating his fill. (Charleston Post and Courier)