Prawn Star – Redneck Headlines

KIDNAPPED BY JOSE CUERVO

A truck driver texted his bosses to say that he'd be unable to deliver his load because he was being held hostage, but neglected to mention that his captors were named Jack Daniels and Jim Beam.

Thomas James Conner said two men with guns took his keys and told him to stay with the truck until they returned to steal it and the load of berries he was transporting. When cops arrived to investigate the situation, they found Conner and another man about a quarter mile away, wandering alongside the highway, drunk. He now faces charges of driving while intoxicated, unlawful possession of an open container and filing a false police report. (The Oregonian)

AN ILL-BREAD DEMAND

Cops are cheesed off at a Connecticut man who kept calling 911 hoping to find a hero, who'd come and save his dreams of getting the perfect sandwich.  Rother McLennon dialed the emergency number last week to complain that a local deli refused to prepare his lunch the way he wanted - namely "a little ham, a little turkey and a lot of cheese and mayo." The dispatcher advised him that his situation didn't qualify as an emergency, which upset the man even more, leading to a visit from cops.

Cooler heads prevailed, and McLennon apologized to the deli's owner and promised to return for more sandwiches in the near future. (WHDH)

PRAWN STAR

A New York woman was taken into custody by cops after demonstrating extremely shellfish behavior in trying to steal several pounds of shrimp by stuffing them up her skirt.

Krystal Douglas raised the suspicions of Costco security by walking in an extremely awkward manner. After apprehending her in the parking lot, they went back to examine security footage and discovered that she was part of a team that had stolen several thousand dollars' worth of goods, including clothing, DVDs and pork chops.

(Huffington Post)