Don't spend hours scouring the web for the best and weirdest news from around the world - let us do it! Each weekday we proudly present you with the best Redneck Headlines and the stories behind them.

Here are today's Redneck Headlines:
#1 - Too High To Lie
#2 - Too Guilty To Prosecute
#3 - Something's Fishy Here

 

Too High To Lie

A Florida man is facing a prison sentence after a traffic stop revealed him to be guilty of aggravated honesty.

The 26-year-old, whose name was not released, was pulled over for making a turn without signaling. When the deputy reached the driver's side window, he asked if the man was transporting any contraband, specifically illegal narcotics, and received a surprising reply when the driver said, "I wish I could say no."

The dopey driver then told the officer he could find a bag of weed and a pipe in the pickup's center console. He has to be in court later this month to face two misdemeanor charges. (NWF Daily News)

 

Too Guilty To Prosecute

The feds have dropped an investigation into alleged drug dealing by a Panamanian doctor – because they have too much evidence against him!

Authorities spent nine years building a case against Armando Angulo, who was suspected of writing bogus prescriptions for painkillers and other addictive narcotics – but he got wind of the investigation and bolted for his native Panama, where the government refuses to hand over its citizens to other countries. The U.S. collected nearly a half-million pages of evidence to back up its efforts to prosecute Angulo, but officials say they've actually run out of space to store it.

So while they know exactly where Angulo is, and have the goods to send him to prison for years, prosecutors have asked that all charges be dropped – because it would be "a hardship" to bring him to justice. (Newser)

 

Something's Fishy Here

A Chinese couple returned from their night shift jobs to find their apartment trashed, but they still managed to reel in the culprit – a giant catfish!

Xu Xianmin and his wife claim they don't know how the fish got into their home, but the creature managed to do considerable damage, turning over furniture and tossing bottles around the living room. They looked for evidence of another intruder, but found nothing but the bottom-feeding fish on the floor, "cold, slippery and moving."

Xu said he was baffled by the experience, saying, "No thieves would leave a giant fish in the house while stealing nothing. And it's not possible that someone threw the fish in through the window, as the door and windows were locked." (Orange News)

 

A wanna-be burglar in Georgia is in a ho-ho-hole lotta trouble after getting stuck when he went up the chimney without care during a heist.