The Bowels of the Court System – Redneck Headlines

Don't spend hours scouring the web for the best and weirdest news from around the world - let us do it! Each weekday we proudly present you with the best Redneck Headlines and the stories behind them.

Here are today's Redneck Headlines:
#1 - The Bird Is the F-Word
#2 - Breast Intentions Go Bad
#3 - The Bowels of the Court System

The Bird Is the F-Word

A parrot who was stranded on a busy road in Newcastle, England wasn't exactly singing the praises of a good Samaritan who came to its rescue – in fact, it flipped the guy the bird!

George, an African grey parrot, appeared to be in distress, so the unidentified man tried to bring him to safety, only to have the feisty feathered fellow bite him and tell him to '[bleep] off.' He got the creature to a veterinarian's office, where a nurse said, “The parrot was really grumpy when we first went out to him and started attacking us with his sharp claws."

The clinic got in touch with owner Ben Homer, who came down to retrieve George. Nurse Hayley Thompson said, “I carried it out on my arm and straight away he flew to his owner’s shoulder. It’s really good news." (Daily Mirror)

Breast Intentions Go Bad

A British woman who got the British health service to pay for her breast implants now sees her glass as half-full because her cups are too full!

Josie Cunningham is suing the National Health Service for $20,000, claiming that the implants she was given are just too darn big and have made her a laughing stock. She wants compensation for the emotional distress she suffered in being inflated from a 32A to a 36DD and wants to be downsized to a C cup, also at government expense. (Sun U.K.)

The Bowels of the Court System

Some fecal matter turned into a legal matter for a man from Maine who was sentenced to a week in jail for pooping his pants in a federal courthouse.

Ronald Strong exhibited some weak bowel control midway through his visit, and had to be escorted to the men's room by a bailiff. He stripped down and cleaned himself up, but when a cop entered the loo a few minutes later, he reported that "75 percent of it was covered in feces smeared more than 2 feet up on the walls."

A 57-page court document included pictures and "vivid comparisons to spaghetti with meat sauce and chunky peanut butter." (New York Daily News)