Each weekday, Rodeo Rick scours the web for the best and weirdest news headlines from around the world. We proudly present you with the best Redneck Headlines and the stories behind them.

Here are today's Redneck Headlines:
#1 - THIS JOKE WAS D.O.A
#2 - HARD-HEADED COW
#3 - DRIVING MISS DRUNK MOM

A New Jersey woman looked like quite a weenie after assaulting a convenience store employee when she mustered up a head of steam after getting served a cold sausage.

Brittany Glanville attacked the clerk when she was told there were no warm sausages available to be served and then tried to kick out the windows of a police cruiser when she was busted.

Glanville was charged with disorderly conduct an accusation she'll be sure to relish.

Source: NBC 10


THEY'RE ALL WET!

A Florida highway is undergoing something of a religious identity crisis after a religious group came in to bless it using holy water only to have an atheist organization drop by to throw down a bit of "unholy water" to undo the deed.

The non-God-fearing activists brought brooms, mops and hoses to wipe away any sign of holiness, while claiming "we come in peace." The initial blessing-givers blamed "the drug crowd" for trying to undo their actions, and promised to fight water with water before too long.

Source: Bay News 9

A Massachusetts doctor is offering a slice with sausage to any patient willing to take a slice out of his sausage by getting a vasectomy!

Urology Associates of Cape Cod has timed the pizza deal to cash in on March Madness by encouraging a mad dash toward family planning. Since the procedure requires a few days of sitting on the couch doing nothing, it's the perfect time for most guys, who do just that during tournament time.

A spokesman for the clinic says that they normally do 60 vasectomies in March, but they hope to double up this year. He also suggested that patients choose meatballs as their topping of choice.

Source: UPI

A LUMP OF COAL IN HIS SKULL

A wanna-be burglar in Georgia is in a ho-ho-hole lotta trouble after getting stuck when he went up the chimney without care during a heist.