When Babies Fly! – Redneck Headlines

DEAD COWS: THE FINAL FRONTIER

Authorities are beginning to think a Canadian rancher has a case of mad cowboy disease -- after he told them that his recent round of bovine deaths was caused by aliens wielding death rays.

Werner Bock has lost more than 250 head of cattle, but insists he's not to blame for the critters' demise despite YouTube videos that showed his herd to be filled with emaciated, tired looking cows.

He made the claim after animal control officials filed neglect charges against him, charges he refuted by saying they "died from what we call a death beam - where the atmospheric air is manipulated into a death beam, focused on the noses of the animals." (Huffington Post)

ALL GASSED UP AND NOWHERE TO BURN

A Florida man was saved from all-but-certain death earlier this week thanks to the selfishness of his fellow man who wouldn't lend him a lighter to start himself on fire.

Kal Patel went to the gas station where he'd worked until recently and sprayed himself and his car with a hefty dose of unleaded hoping to kill himself and torch the business at the same time.

His attempt to multi-task unraveled, however, when he noticed he didn't have matches or a lighter, but when he asked other customers to help him out, he couldn't strike a bargain with anyone.

He was arrested and faces charges of attempted arson. (Gainesville Sun)

WHEN BABIES FLY!

A passenger walked away from a serious SUV crash in Texas earlier this week which wouldn't be all that newsworthy, aside from the fact that she was one year old and had been thrown from the vehicle after her dad crashed it while fleeing cops.

Kenny Shawn Jimenez and three other passengers in the SUV had just robbed a woman at gunpoint in a nearby parking lot before speeding off. His driving turned out to be just as good as his robbery skills, as he proved by flipping the vehicle and sending his daughter flying through the back window.

The toddler suffered only minor injuries, but her dad is in more serious trouble, facing charges of aggravated robbery, injury to a child, unauthorized use of a vehicle, evading arrest and organized crime. (MSNBC)