Is That a Pop-Tart In Your Pants? – Redneck Headlines

An Iowa man took a detour to toon town on his way to jail after screaming for help on the banks of a rural creek – then telling responding officers that his name was "Peggy Hill ... from Arlington, Texas."

The 18-year-old, who actually had no relationship to the cast of King of The Hill, was identified as Sean Siegert once he was pulled out of the water, but that didn't end the animated exchange. He then told deputies that he was trying to get their attention because he was searching for four Girl Scouts that he lost while trying to help them earn merit badges.

Siegert, who showed signs of intoxication, was taken into custody. Cops searched the area for Girl Scouts – but none were located. (Iowa City Press Citizen)

An Oklahoma crook is down in the dumps after being arrested for taking a dump – and failing to flush before fleeing the home he'd just burglarized.

Charles Marqull Williams broke into a house in Oklahoma City and ransacked the place, but decided he needed to make a pit stop before hitting the road. He popped into the bathroom to do his business, but didn't flush.

Cops who arrived at the scene found the floater, as well as a piece of used toilet paper that he'd tossed on the floor, and matched the DNA to the state database of repeat offenders. (UPI)

A London man proved he wasn't very well-"bread" when he called emergency responders to rescue him, because he'd gotten his johnson stuck in a toaster!

The elderly gentleman, whose name was not released, didn't reveal what prompted him to put his unit into the unit, just that he found himself unable to free himself from the device. Fire department spokesman Dave Brown said, “Some of the incidents our firefighters are called out could be prevented with a little common sense ..." (Daily Mirror)