Thou Shalt Not Steal the Bible – Redneck Headlines

An Oregon man got himself into quite a pickle after he responded to a messed-up McDonald's order by spewing profanity and trying to run over two employees – who'd ignored his plea for "no pickles"

Brian Ray Schumacher, who defended his actions by saying "the pickle juice tastes gross on the burger," first called to berate the employees – then decided to address the matter in person. Schumacher told police he was angry because it was the seventh time they had messed up his order, so he went back to the restaurant where he began cursing and complaining loudly.

A manager escorted him out of the building and followed him into the parking lot to try to calm him down, but Schumacher gunned his engine and ran into the man. While the irate customer claims the manager jumped on his hood, a video tape confirms Schumacher was the aggressor. He's charged with second-degree assault, reckless endangering, reckless driving, hit-and-run and disorderly conduct. (Daily Astorian)

It won't be smooth sailing for a Florida man who was arrested for standing on the deck of his boat naked and pleasuring himself whenever another vessel cruised by the spot where he was docked.

67-year-old Steve Barron was spotted by an off-duty officer who was piloting his boat down the river, and when he approached to ask the skipper what he was doing with his little buddy, Barron replied with a string of expletives. After the witness called for backup, Barron told the responding officer that he was merely doing wrist aerobics, not engaging in any illicit behavior.

Barron was arrested for indecent exposure and transported to the Lee County Jail. (WBBH)

A Georgia woman who desperately needs a refresher course in the Ten Commandments was arrested after stealing a Bible from a Barnes and Noble!

Ashley Fleming walked into the store and tried to stash the Good Book in her bag without paying for it. A security guard took note of the transgression, but refused to turn the other cheek and turned the woman over to the cops, who charged her with misdemeanor shoplifting.

A local pastor said she could have avoided doing penance if she simply came by to ask for a copy. Reverend Marc Scardino said, "We believe that God’s word should be given freely, and so if someone comes in to our campus and they don’t have God’s word, then we are very happy to give them a copy of God’s word." (Huffington Post)