A New Zombie Attack – Redneck Headlines

The Zombie Apocalypse is among us. A week ago, Richard Cimino Jr tried to chew the face off of a woman while (quote) “screaming like an animal”.

The Honesdale (Pennsylvania) police report indicates that Cimino crashed his car very early in the morning (a week ago Friday), broke into several homes, stripped completely naked, and jumped out a second story window “severely injured his arms and legs”. While bloodied and naked, he attacked a woman and “began to gnaw at her head”. The police took him down with a stun gun, but he was still able to punch the EMT treating him. Bath salts may not be to blame. Pennsylvania has banned them. (Opposingviews.com)

A Pennsylvania mom got a ticket – and a lecture – after her toddler urinated on the sidewalk.

Caroline Robboy was out shopping in Philadelphia with her elderly-in-laws and three kids when her recently potty-trained two-year-old son, Nathaniel, said he needed to go to the bathroom. Robboy asked a store employee to use a restroom but was told they were not open to the public.

The family left the store to find a bathroom – but apparently little Nathaniel couldn’t hold it anymore. He took matters into his own hands … and relieved himself on a lamppost.

A police officer saw the crime go down − and came over and gave Robboy a $50 ticket … and some free advice.

"He said, 'I'm doing this for your own protection because God forbid there might have been a pervert out there looking at my son,'" Robboy said.

She plans to fight the citation. (WNYT.com)

A Crappy Idea

A Pennsylvania man’s hope for a clean getaway was flushed away when he was arrested for a shoplifting scam that involved stealing a toilet.

32-year-old Bobby Clifford Smith III is facing theft charges for allegedly trying to exchange a toilet he didn't buy for gift cards at a Lowe’s home improvement store.

Smith was caught on store surveillance video entering the store, grabbing a toilet from a shelf, and then taking that very same toilet to the return line to exchange it for more than $600 in gift cards.

His potty plan went down the drain when police were called and he was taken to jail – where he is being held on bail. (Huffington Post)