Blogger Kim Bongiorno Shares Her ‘New Table Rules For Kids’-Trisha Adds Her Rules As Well

Kim Bongiorno is a writer, mom and wife stomping around the suburbs like a confused, nerdy, albino Wolverine. Kim is known for hitting you with the funny, then surprising with the sweet, on her blog LetMeStartBySaying, and is both a staff writer and the Social Media Manager at InThePowderRoom. Come see the many inane things she shares on Facebook and Twitter (@LetMeStart), or learn more about her work on KimBongiornoWrites.

Kim adds that she's not the most lax parent around - she's been showing her kids how to properly set a table - but she confesses that her standards are a bit different than her parents' were. Their rules are more than her wily offspring can manage at the moment, so she has a new set of etiquette rules they they follow for now.  I certainly agree and with a house full of boys, dinner time can be a challenge.  So I've added my rules as well.

Old rule: No elbows on the table.

New rule: No genitals on the table.

Trisha's Rule:  No farting while eating

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Old rule: The napkin and fork are to the left of the plate; the knife and water are to the right.

New rule: The Lego, Barbie, cat toy, and dirty sock should not go anywhere near the plate.

Trisha's Rule:  No playing games at the table. No farting.

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Old rule: Wait for Mom to sit before you start eating.

New rule: Don't ask for one more damn thing once Mom finally sits down to start eating.

Trisha's Rule:  Get your own plate and your own drink.  No farting.

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Old rule: Say, "Excuse me" after burping.

New rule: Stay off other people's laps while farting.

Trisha's Rule:  If you even think of farting while we're eating, you will be sorry.

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Old rule: Don't chew with your mouth open.

New rule: Don't chew with your pants off.

Trisha's Rule:  Chewing is optional...farting is not an option.

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Old rule: No hats on at the table.

New rule: Don't put cats on the table.

Trisha's Rule:  No hats, cats or farts at the table. Don't feed the dogs your food.

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Old rule: Pinky out when drinking.

New rule: No picking your nose while drinking.

Trisha's Rule:  Don't pick your nose or fart while drinking.

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Old rule: Do not point at people with your silverware.

New rule: Do not stab siblings with your silverware.

Trisha's Rule:  Keep your silverware, hands feet and yes sometimes even your eyes to yourself.  No farting!

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Old rule: When done eating, ask to be excused then clear your place setting.

New rule: When done eating, don't toss your dish into the sink from across the room while shouting "GET ME ICE CREAM WITH EXTRA SPRINKLES!"

Trisha's Rule:  When done eating, clear your own plate and load it in the dishwasher.  If the dishwasher is clean, unload it and then put your dishes in there.  No farting until everyone is done eating!!!!

Kim considers mealtime manners as a way to show a bit of restraint as a sign of respect towards those who made the meal. Once her kids are in the habit of keeping their pants on their bodies and their forks off each other, She'll take it up a notch in formality.

Until then? Kim promises to just serve herself a little extra wine with dinner to dull the pain of seeing half-masticated mac and cheese tumble out of her son's mouth as he yells at his sister for trying to put the cat on the table. Again.

Me?  I'm just happy that we all get the opportunity to sit down as a family and enjoy a meal...stink free of course!