We see commercials everyday with fuzzy little animals, frolicking through the forest, rubbing their faces with "soft" but "strong" toilet paper. Then why is it, when we are forced to use a public restrooms, they only seem to purchase what I like to refer to as: booty sandpaper?

We can all lie to ourselves and say we don't use public restrooms, but regardless of how frequent, emergencies happen, and it is sometimes unavoidable. So why, corporate America, do you continue to supply us with poo (pardon the pun)?

Cost is always a contributing factor in any market, but is softer toilet paper really that much more expense? After trolling along the internet in bulk markets, top 5 brands surveyed, this what I came up with.

- Kimberly Clark:         $120.00 per 80 roll case (Scott branding)
- Georgia Pacific:        $  80.00 per 80 roll case (Angel Soft branding)
- Fort James:              $  76.00 per 80 roll case
- Marcal:                      $ 28.00 per 48 roll case
- Procter & Gamble    $ 46.00 per 40 roll case (Charmin branding)

Each one of the above named companies have many subsidiary companies under them as well, that also produce toiletries. But even these so-called "off brands" fall in the same price range.

The internet makes it very easy to get your hands on cheaper, and yet quality products without much hassle. This is your queue, retail businesses! Please stop the pain! We, your loyal customers demand better of you.


Mr. Sore Bottom