Driving Miss Dummy – Redneck Headlines

Each weekday, Rodeo Rick scours the web for the best and weirdest news headlines from around the world. We proudly present you with the best Redneck Headlines and the stories behind them.

Here are today's Redneck Headlines:
#1 - DRIVING MISS DUMMY
#2 - NO TIME FOR CRIME
#3 - THE HORNS OF DILEMMA

DRIVING MISS DUMMY

Cops in a Cleveland area suburb were steamed after being called to coax a woman out of a hot car which she already owned.

Diane Duchnowski, who was described as being "highly intoxicated," drove her car up a steep hill, where it became stuck nd then caught fire. Even though the fire was gaining momentum, Duchnowski refused to budge because her keys were stuck in the ignition.

Officers forcibly removed Duchnowski, who was charged with DUI.

Source: Solon Patch

NO TIME FOR CRIME

A bank teller in Chicago gave on-the-job clock watching a good name when she foiled a robbery by telling the wanna-be crook that she'd have to come back the next day because the bank was closed.

Olga Perdomo handed the quick-thinking teller a note demanding "all of your money, no cops, no dye pack," but she didn't get what she wanted. Instead of complying, the teller said she'd be happy to hand over some cash when the bank opened the next morning.

Perdomo left, puzzled, and cops arrested her and an accomplice a short distance away.

Source: UPI

THE HORNS OF A DILEMMA

A heartless poacher tried to make some easy money at an African game preserve by sawing the horn off a captive rhinoceros only to discover that he'd taken his knife to the head of a fiberglass replica instead of the real thing.

The crook, who is still at large, jimmied open the door of the preserve's main building and tried to break into a cash register. When that didn't work, he approached what he thought was the mounted head of a once-live rhino but it was merely a plastic tribute to the first critter ever adopted by the place.

Rhino horns the real kind are often poached for illegal use by unlicensed medical practitioners.

Source: Telegraph (U.K.)