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Yellowstone National Park sees hundreds of thousands of visitors each year. Every single year there are dozens of instances from tourists (or 'tourons' as they have come to be known by) behaving badly and/or carelessly - resulting in injury. We have to do something to prepare folks for visiting the park. I present the Yellowstone National Park Tourist Survival Kit.

National Parks of the American West for Dummies:

A little education can go a long ways. I am not saying ALL tourists are dummies, but there are quite a few folks that are towing the line. Read up folks.

Heat Resistant Suit:

Just in case you think it is a good idea to stand way too close to the thermal pools, this suit is a good idea. At least one person, who has no business being that close, falls into a thermal pool or vent every year. It is not rocket science people. Stay a safe distance away. Stay on the path. I don't know if this suit will protect you if you fall in, but you never know.


Good Running Shoes:

There is a lot of wildlife in YNP. If you are one of the tourists that thinks it is a petting zoo, you need a good pair of running shoes. Bison are fast. Bears are fast. You will need every advantage to get out of harms way.

Body Armor:

If you are out of shape and the running shoes don't get the job done, you should be prepared with body armor as another layer of defense against the bison that is trying to gore you to death. Or you could just keep a respectable distance from wildlife. You are an adult, so i'll let you make the choice.

Pain Reliever:

After being tossed around by that bison or climbing out of the thermal pool you fell into, you are going to be a bit sore. May I suggest that you pack some pain reliever with you?

Get Out of Jail Free Card:

This might come in handy. Tourists are jailed every year for their actions. I can't promise this will work for you, but better safe than sorry. Right?

Car Dent Puller:

As you drive through the park you will most likely see more wildlife and think that being in your car makes it OK to approach the animals. I would not advise this, as animals won't hesitate to ram your vehicle. At least you will have this dent puller to hide your shame.

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