Please Kill These Obnoxious Neighborhood Turkeys For Thanksgiving
This year there is actually a shortage of turkeys at the grocery store.
WELL, THAT'S JUST FINE! We have a few around Wyoming that need KILLING!
That's not a mean thing to say. They've been asking for it.
Turkeys are not even indigenous to Wyoming. They were brought here and set free so some hunters could enjoy hunting them.
But now we are stuck with them. They are in our neighborhoods, and frankly, THEY ARE JUST JERKS!
There is a bit of a turkey shortage this year at the grocery store. I hope you manage to get one. If you don't, not to worry, I can point out where you can find some, easily.
THEY ARE IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD - AND I NEED YOU TO KILL THEM!
The scene in the photo above, actually fighting off one of these &$#@ attacking a biker at a traffic light. This is not an unusual sight.
A person can't even go for a walk without being charged by at least half a dozen of these little &%$#.
They attack kids, old people, and pets.
I swear all the gobbling they do is actually cussing.
Look at them attacking this Amazon driver for no good reason.
They poop all over everything. I mean LOTS of poop and that stuff is hard to clean up.
Pardon my $@#&. I hope we don't have any kids reading this.
Now I know it's not legal to hunt in most neighborhoods. But there are ways around this. I mean, who says you need to use a gun when you have a nice big car to run them over with?
I will gladly loan you my weed eater or any other tool you can find in my garage to have at them.
Actually, I see now why the turkey was eaten on the first Thanksgiving. - REVENGE!
Early this year there was a MOB of $%*@ turkeys attacking cars at an intersection.
It all began just before 8 am when I got a note from Jane in Casper Wyoming: "FYI FYI There are about 30 Wild Turkeys All fanned out and acting aggressively to the cars. At Granada and Coffman!"
I know of the herd of turkeys to which she speaks. They are EVIL!
By the way, I call all animal groups a herd. There is no way to keep up with all of the names of all the different animal species. Try looking it up here. You'll get a headache.
Next, I get a panicked note from Jane which made the situation sound worse- it was escalating.
"They are stopping traffic!" Jane wrote, in what seemed to be a panic. I was expecting her to send that they were turning over cars and setting them on fire next.
This herd of turkey is infamous in Casper. They are more like a gang than birds. If they stop your car don't honk at them. They will get very aggressive. I don't speak turkey but it sounds like they are cussing at people when they get angry.
No one minds wildlife wandering their neighborhood. That is part of the fun of living in Wyoming. But no one wants wildlife with attitude.
There are many ways we can handle this. I work for a group of radio stations. We can have a turkey drop like WKRP! There are hunters who would love to have a crack at them.
But since the turkeys are in town they can't use guns. It will have to be hand to "hand" combat.