Wyoming Bigfoot Files Restraining Order Against Trackers

Recently I saw a show on The Travel Channel that claims to be on an "Expedition Bigfoot." I often wonder if these guys are for real. As it turns out there is even a Bigfoot tracker convention. This year's convention will be held in Nebraska. 

With all these weirdoes -- sorry -- "cryptozoologist" exploring some of the most densely forested areas in North America looking for Bigfoot, you might imagine that the big guy might just have finally had enough.

Last week a Wyoming bigfoot came down from the mountains of the Shoshone National Forest where he entered a lawyers office in Dubois Wyoming and hired him.

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"There ain't enough Febreze to get that stank out," companied Rufus Lugmine, a local attorney that was apparently hired by the creature. "I mean come on, We have plenty of waterfalls, rivers and lakes with pure clean water. Take a bath before you come into town."

I ask Rufus what Bigfoot wanted to hire him for.

"And LORDY did he shed everywhere," Rufus grumbled. "I'm not sure how to get that out the seat he plopped himself down in."

I asked if Bigfoot spoke English

"You would THINK!" Rufus barked, "that someone with feet as big as that might know to wipe them before he walks inside. D'you have any idea how much it's going to cost me to clean that expensive oriental rug? Well, that's going on his bill, I tell you what."

"Does Bigfoot have money?" I asked.

"Well, not yet." said Rufus. "But he will as soon as we win this case. Seems these folks from some bigfoot TV show is all up in the woods trying to find him. Well, as you might imagine ole' Sas, he says --- Sas is what he wanted me to call him. Short for Sasquatch. So Sas says to me he says, 'I moved into those mountains to get away from people. What this guy is doing is flat-out STALKING! I want a restraining order and I want to sue the network.'"

"So when will this be in court?" I asked.

"Sometime this summer. Meantime I told Sas he needs to get ready for the case. He can't show up in court like that. Take a shower. Get a haircut. Put a tie on, and for God sakes buy some shoes."

"I'm not sure they make shoes in his size," I said.