Yellowstone Bison Practices Wrestling Moves On Hopeless Tourist

How does a person even get into this situation?

Well, now that you're here my friend DON'T MOVE!

Truth is, in a fight, size doesn't matter.

But maybe we can throw that rule away when our opponent weighs in at well over 2,000 pounds, making it one of the largest animals in North America.

People don’t get it though.

They see big, they see fuzzy, they want to hug it or at least get a selfie.

This photo coming out of Yellowstone shows a tourist completely pinned down to the ground by a bison that he got too close to.

Let's zoom in. I want to see the bull's expression and this man's expression.

Somebody needs a change of underwear, I'm sure of it.

Nothing bad happened.

The guy is okay.

The big bull just wanted to make a point.

I TOLD YOU - NO CLOSER!

I can just imagine the man lying there on the ground whispering.

I'm sorry - I'm sorry - I'm sorry - I'm sorry.

Then there was that time a bill bison waited in line at the public toilet.

This story was reported by several reputable, and one sketchy, Wyoming news organizations.

They all got it wrong.

So - we are here to set the record straight.

It was reported that this man had used a public outhouse in Yellowstone, but then could not leave because a HUGE bison had wandered over and was standing right by the door.

The man inside was afraid to leave.

ACTUALLY! The bison was waiting in line to use the crapper.

Not one news organization bothered to ask the bison why he was hanging out there.

It seems kinda creepy at first.

Here is the actual video of the event, courtesy of Cowboy State Daily.

Is the bison some kind of weirdo stalker looking to "hook up" with an out-of-stater?

No, honestly, he was just tired of "unloading" out in public where everybody could watch him.

"Every time I take poop I hear some humans yelling, EWWW! It's just annoying. Then there are all those flies following my stinky butt around the rest of the day. But your human, um, inside hole things, why they provide privacy and there is paper to clean with. IT'S WONDERFUL!"

But because the human inside misunderstood what was going on he stayed inside the outhouse, afraid to leave.

"I was crossing my hooves out there. I really had to go."

I asked if he understood why the human was afraid.

"OH YEAH, I get it. Plenty of tourists have been punted a few yards when they get too close to bison like me. But if I had left I would have lost my place in line."

So if you see a Yellowstone bison coming out of a public outhouse, don't be so shocked.

And you might want to wait a few minutes before you go in there. I'm sure that can't smell good.

This article is SATIRE!

I have to say that because there is always that one person out there who just never gets it.

Then they complain, and we laugh at them.