Yellowstone Now Allows Animals To Pet The Tourist
How many times in your life has a puppy or a cat come up and sniffed you? Maybe they even walked around you and looked you up and down.
Humans do it to animals. If you think about it, animals do it to humans.
In acknowledgement of "animal rights" and the desire to treat them more as fellow travelers on this planet, Yellowstone National Park is now allowing animals to pet the humans.
"We have been trying to get the humans to stop petting the animals," said young park ranger Ashley Tumpsnucker. "Humans just assume it's okay to pet the animals. But, clearly, it's not always consensual. I mean, take a look at that fat bald guy over there. He's visiting from Ohio. Would you want him to just walk up and start petting you without your permission? I'd bet you'd knock a couple of his teeth out if he tried. Well, the animals here feel the same way."
"But then we realized," Ashley went on, "that humans don't seem to mind so much if the animals come up and pet them. They kinda like it. So we have given them permission to do so. That way we know it is consensual. Any animal that does not want to be touched can just keep away."
"We did have to put up a 'Don't Feed The Human's' sign. We had a bison try to stuff some grass in a human's mouth. That's didn't go so well. You don't want to know what the racoon was trying to feed one little girl."
Will this improve relations between tourist and animals in Yellowstone? Park rangers hope so. But we know better. Tourist are stupid.