Copping a Free Donut – Redneck Headlines
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Here are today's Redneck Headlines:
#1 - The Snore Made Him Sore
#2 - Emptying Out While Filling Up
#3 - Copping a Free Doughnut
A Wisconsin man called 911 to report that a woman he'd hooked up with in a drunken stupor had come home and assaulted him – with her ridiculously loud snoring.
Benjamin Duddles dialed the emergency number in order to request that "a female be removed from his bed," according to a dispatcher who took the report. When police arrived to see exactly what Duddles was talking about, he led them inside and informed them he'd just met the woman and had relations with her – only to have her pass out and "snore like a train."
The officers informed Duddles that they didn't see it as a police matter and suggested he simply ride out the night by sleeping on his couch – and "work out the issue in the morning." (The Smoking Gun)
An Italian inventor thinks he can help the environment by enabling drivers to go green by going yellow – and running their cars on pints of their own urine.
Franco Lisci says that he's come up with an eco-friendly engine that chugs along by burning urine that's been filtered through sheep's wool to remove impurities – enabling folks to save loads of cash by eliminating fuel and loads of time by eliminating rest stop breaks. The researcher says that, as a bonus, "At the end of the process the urine turns into clean water. This clean water is full of useful substances to nourish the earth.”
He's even created an in-home version of the invention to power lights as well as water heaters, dishwashers and washing machines. A dream come true for bachelors who've always dreamed of washing dishes without getting off the toilet. (WorldCrunch)
A Florida man is behind bars after concocting a half-baked plan to satisfy his sweet tooth – by impersonating a cop to get discount doughnuts!
Chuck Barry went to the drive-thru window of a Dunkin' Donuts last week and informed the clerk that he deserved a discount for being a U.S. Marshal. When he was turned down, he produced a sheriff's badge and, finally, a holstered gun to drive home his request.
The worker took down Barry's license number and notified police, who set up a sting operation and nabbed him the next day, carrying a revolver and a New Jersey sheriff's badge that belonged to Barry's father, who was a police officer.
The manager said that he'd given Barry police discounts in the past, but opted to stop after he abused the privilege by using it every day, and buying for family as well. (WTSP)
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