DUI at PTA Event – Redneck Headlines
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Here are today's Redneck Headlines:
#1 - The Ankle Bone's Connected to the Idiot
#2 - Pointing Fingers... Middle Fingers!
#3 - DUI at PTA Event
A Colorado crook stepped into a mess of trouble when he decided to celebrate his release from custody by going on a robbery spree – while wearing an ankle bracelet designed to track his every move.
Ironically enough, Brandon Campbell was sentenced to wear the monitor after he was convicted of stealing a GPS device earlier in the year. He didn't let his court-issued jewelry get in the way of his job, however, breaking into more than a dozen houses in Denver's suburbs, causing thousands in damage and boosting armloads of booty.
Campbell tried to plead not guilty to the offenses, but forgot that his tracking system placed him at the scene of each robbery at the exact time it was happening. As the county district attorney put it, "I don't think that there's any doubt at all that this guy is the last guy picked on the prison Brain Bowl team." (Westword)
A Michigan man who bought the house next door to his ex-wife's new home decided to help her do some bird-watching – by flipping her the bird via a huge middle finger sculpture he put up in his yard.
Alan Markovitz moved into his new digs and immediately erected the statue, which stands 12 feet high and is illuminated by a spotlight at night. He says his main intention was to send a message to his wife's new beau, who allegedly started an affair with her while they were still married.
Markovitz, who owns three Detroit-area strip clubs, says he never meant for the matter to be public, but ended up getting noticed after his daughter posted a picture of the statue on Twitter. (WJBK)
A mom in Maine put a spin on the usual parent-teacher conference routine by being sent to detention – for showing up stoned out of her mind and starting a skirmish with cops who tried to calm her down.
Cops were summoned to a local middle school after Beverly Lunsford pulled into the parking lot and spent a full 15 minutes trying to maneuver her car into a space, leading teachers to believe she was impaired. Lunsford tried blaming faulty power steering, then said she might be a bit off her game due to a prescription she'd been given.
When she was asked to take a field sobriety test, the woman refused and began fighting with cops, who had to physically remove her from the school and place her in a cruiser. She later admitted that she'd been snorting the anti-anxiety drug she was prescribed. (Oxford Hills Sun Journal)
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