Hide, Seek and Shoot – Redneck Headlines

A judge has told a West Virginia college student to blow it out his butt for trying to sue his college for injuries he sustained after one of his pals tried to shoot fireworks out of his butt.

Louis Helberg III says he got banged up after falling from a porch when he was startled by fellow Marshall University football player Travis Hughes' attempt to shoot bottle rockets out of his rear during a frat party. Helberg tumbled one floor from a balcony and got wedged between the frat house and an air conditioning unit and needed medical treatment as a result.

The court ruled that Helberg can still proceed with suits against the landlord and his butt-headed friend, however. (West Virginia Record)

An Indiana man just became a little bit lack-toes intolerant, after he woke up to find that his pet pit bull, Bo, had chewed off two of his little piggies as he slept.

Roger Brown says that he was awakened by the feel of his pooch licking his foot, which he's used to – but when he rolled out of bed, he saw that he was covered in blood, and missing the big and little toes from his foot, which came as a big surprise. Brown, who's diabetic, said he didn't feel any pain in his sleep because he was suffering from a severe foot infection that left the lower part of his leg numb.

The 46-year-old says he blames himself for the incident, since he left an open wound unbandaged, which might have enticed the dog into the unconventional midnight snack. Brown has no intention of having Bo euthanized, or even giving him up for adoption. (UPI)

A Florida woman who really wanted a screwdriver proved she had a screw loose – by pulling a gun and threatening her roommate for hiding her bottle of vodka.

Cops arrived after the roomie called 911 to report the altercation with Kari Ann Dangler, who said she had done nothing wrong – and had only brought out the revolver to clean it for a third roommate, who was the actual owner. Upon further examination, a deputy found that the weapon had been fired recently, and Dangler admitted that she had gotten off one shot – in the direction of a frog that was making too much noise near her pool. (Orlando Sentinel)