Cowboy’s Top 11 Ways To Improve The Oscars

This Sunday marks the return of Hollywood's hottest toast to itself - the 84th Annual Academy Awards! It will all go down live on ABC with popular long-time host, Billy Crystal returning to his greatest role since City Slickers. If you're not busy hunting or enjoying your life, you might tune in. In the meantime I have my 11 suggestions on how to make this stupendous event even more fun for everyone.

 COWBOY TROY'S TOP 11 WAYS TO IMPROVE THE ACADEMY AWARDS

11)  Make ceremony 30 minutes long

10)  Keep Joan Rivers completely away from it

  9)  Award for "Best Implants"

  8)  2-hour lifetime achievement tribute to Larry the Cable Guy

  7)  Replace Red Carpet with mud bog

  6)  Remove all teleprompters

  5)  Make nominees square off in a round of paintball to determine winner

  4)  Give winners 15 seconds for acceptance speech, and take away their Oscar if they cry

  3)  Remake Oscar Statue to look like George Strait

  2)  Make Kip Attaway the host, or at least those two guys from American Pickers   

...and my number one way to improve the Academy Awards...

  1)  NOMINATE A MOVIE WE'VE ACTUALLY SEEN!!

Honorable mention goes to "Invite Me!"

Seriously, though. We hope you enjoy the telecast (all 6 hours of it). Remember that it's this Sunday night, 6 p.m. on ABC. Dish subscribers, I don't know what to tell you. Good luck with that.